Category: Monday Musings

This January I committed to reading my Bible every day. Some days it’s easier than others, and some days I’ll head to bed, remember and quickly open it up! Honestly, I don’t pour over the Word for hours (or even an hour), but instead, I try to read at least a chapter a day and then read a passage out of my devotional book.

When I was pregnant with Luke, I was disappointed that I wouldn’t have quite the time to dedicate to my devotions after my special boy was born because he would require a lot of care with his disabilities. In response, the Lord whispered to my heart that “yes, devotional time is beneficial and should be pursued, but there would also be times when my worship primarily consists of the hard and holy work that he called me to do. Since that comforting revelation, I don’t approach devotions with as much black-and-white fervor as I might have in my younger years.

Last Monday morning, before the kids were awake, I sat down in my favorite oversized chair and opened my Bible. I was in Zephaniah, a book that I couldn’t tell you much about because it’s not highly quoted or studied. Zephaniah chapter 2. I stopped as I read verse 3.

Seek the Lord, all who are humble, and follow his commands. Seek to do what is right and to live humbly, perhaps, even yet, the Lord will protect you.

This was an admonishment straight from God to his chosen people. This was and is apparently the definition of what God desires from us, his people. The Lord clearly spells out what makes him smile, what lends to supernatural protection, and what is desired of us and it includes: to be humble, to seek to do what is right, and to obey.

That’s pretty simple.

That’s the message to those of us who claim to be Christ followers.

And you know what? That’s pretty much the definition of the caregiving life.

As caregivers, especially those of us who have been doing it for a long time, we often feel like our lives have very little meaning. We change diapers. We assist in mobility, we clean up lots of messes, and we sit in quiet spaces, or maybe not-so-quiet spaces if we’re dealing with aggression or behaviors. We humbly watch and assist our loved ones. We might feel like our lives are not amounting to much or don’t have a lot of purpose. Or maybe we feel like our loved one has held us back from pursuing our own passions or dreams. Or maybe, we’re too tired to think about it at all.

Let this verse bless you today as you serve those who need you. As you obey what the Lord has called of you in caring for someone. As you seek to do what is right by your family and by society at large. Know this, the Lord is pleased because you are doing exactly his will for your life. You are bringing glory to his name. You are making him smile.

Just Keep Livin.

 

       

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I’m back! Monday Musings took a short sabbatical due to the holiday last week, but now I’m back, sort of 😉  The kids begin summer break today so that means everything work related takes a little bit longer for me to accomplish, but I woke up with this excerpt from my book Blended with Grit & Grace in my heart and thought it would be a good reminder for the moms who have a wee bit of anxiety with the lack of structure that arrives with summer break.  Just keep livin.  

I shooed one of my children out of the kitchen, annoyance growing by the minute with yet another complaint of boredom or a long-winded tale about how one sibling had grossly mistreated another. It sure felt like we were on day 100 million of this year’s particularly long winter break, which marched on and on and on with the recent bout of inclement weather and now influenza circulating throughout the schools.

Ahhh, good times.

I sighed, frustrated at how much energy the kids required during these days without school and irritated with the constant boredom. We had purchased a beautiful property in the middle of rural Tennessee on thirty acres of land, a mighty river flowing in our backyard, with the expectation that our children would spend their days romping through the fields, building forts, playing tag and hide-and-seek, plucking fresh fruit from the apple and pear trees, and whatever else they were able to convince one another to play or do, but that wasn’t generally the case. Usually, they were inside the house, bellyaching about how bored they were.

I returned my attention to the pot on the back burner of the stove, which held dinner for the evening. I began to stir, slowly encouraging the flavors of a simmering beef stroganoff to meld together, an easy family favorite consisting of hamburger, chopped onions, garlic, and mushrooms drenched in a cream-cheese sauce. I inhaled the savory aroma as music played in the background. “I’ll praise you in this storm,” belted out an old-time favorite by the popular group Casting Crowns.

I’d been experiencing a bit of a faith crisis in the recent months as I desperately grasped for control while life spiraled further away from me. So many balls were in the air. The hormonal issues that inevitably arrive with aging. Teaching, which I loved but didn’t love as much as writing. Writing, which was my passion but doesn’t really pay the bills—at least not yet. Raising eight children, now with several teenagers and a toddler. Struggling to do right by Lucas, in pursuit of the best options for him but also needing to sacrifice more of our limited resources and time. The list went on.

It felt overwhelming 90 percent of the time, and I knew I wasn’t handling the demands well. Most of my prayers were more like complaints and resembled grumbling as I begged for superhuman strength to get through the days—annoyed that God would bequeath so many responsibilities upon my weary, aging shoulders.

“Praise you in this storm, huh?” I muttered. I had fiercely believed those words during the most difficult days of life—as a baby grew in my belly in 2004 (a child proclaimed terminal even before taking his first breath) and again as my husband Jason took his last breath here on earth. Now, in my current reality, with a healthy family, a good marriage, my daily needs met, I couldn’t seem to muster up any praise in this pathetic little pity party of a storm I was having for myself.

Jesus, help . . . , I sighed in resignation and frustration.

Go play, I heard gently whispered in reply.

What? I wondered.

Go play! Stop complaining and stop focusing on the negative, and stop stressing about everything that I ultimately control, and stop the bellyaching, and go play! Enjoy the life I made for you! Bask in my creation, jump on the trampoline with your kids, breathe in the beauty of nature all around, enjoy your life, enjoy what I have created for you—for your pleasure! Take joy in the food you are preparing, savor the chocolate pie, sip the chardonnay, make love to your husband, read a good book, teach your daughters how to sew. GO PLAY!

Could it be that my questions about life, faith, and frustrations could be answered in one simple command? Go play? That’s exactly what I wanted my children to do when they were bored and moaning and groaning about everything in life. I desired more than anything for them to stop complaining and bickering and go play! To enjoy what we had purchased for them! To enjoy the beauty of their lives! Could it possibly be that the God of the universe wanted the same for his child? For me to honor him through my enjoyment of what he’s blessed me with?

My perspective shifted, as it usually does when the Almighty has words with me, and a slow smile crept across my face as I poured myself a glass of chardonnay and headed to the back porch to sit with my husband. As I opened the door, still slightly hesitant about leaving numerous tasks undone, I heard a whisper laced with joy, which urged me forward:

Yes, my child, go play.

 

To read more of our story, check out my three books below!

       

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I struggle with the “you’re so incredible!” sentiment I often hear. I’m not all that different from anyone else. I asked my mother once if she saw anything in me that would have given her an indication about the woman I’ve become, and she smiled and said, not really but you asked a lot of questions and always had a bright idea you were dragging your younger brothers into! My family likes to joke that my tombstone will one day read, “Jess had an idea.” It would be accurate, to say the least.

In all honesty, I’m simply a mom who was determined to make the world a little bit more accommodating and aware for herself, her child, and her family, and in that determination, I moved toward change. Nothing I’ve created or accomplished happened overnight. NOTHING. I’ve slowly trudged through the muck for everything I’ve seen turn to gold. Getting my Bachelor’s Degree took 5 years. My Masters, 10! My first book, 12 years, and the second, 4. The Unseen Documentary also took 4 years to complete and for The Lucas Project, it was during the fifth year (2023!) that things finally took off, and we received the funding needed to be a “legit” nonprofit.

Anything worthwhile takes time, but in the meantime, if you’re not moving and grooving, your “thing” isn’t either. In my humble opinion, it doesn’t even take much intelligence. I’m not all that smart (B student through undergrad), but I am extremely curious and consistent. I consistently work toward progress, and when I get stuck, I curiously seek out answers or solutions. I’m also a huge believer in throwing darts at the board. Gosh, for every dart that has stuck, I’ve probably witnessed 50 fall to the ground! But – you don’t ever receive the joy from the one that sticks if you don’t throw a few. You gotta try, right?

And you absolutely must become okay with the word “NO”.

No is not personal. No is simply, “this is not for you right now or maybe ever.” No can be a massive layer of protection against something that would not be good for you when viewed through the rearview mirror. I had lots of no’s in my early years that turned to yes’s later on. Yes’s, that if they had been granted early on, might have been extremely detrimental to my new fragile family that was struggling with blending, adoption, special needs, and grief; however, many of those no’s later turned to yes. Yes’s when those in authority witnessed my consistent determination which led to progress which led to whatever the thing might be: book, film, nonprofit, or podcast. People change their minds all the time and are drawn to those who don’t give up easily. The darts that do stick sometimes open big doors like the dart I threw at the board in 2018 when I broadcasted my big idea for a documentary on Facebook. That dart not only stuck but provided an opportunity to throw a bunch of darts at close range which has led to many recent yes’s which will lead to awareness and change for caregivers.

I want to encourage you today to throw a dart. Release an arrow into the world and be completely ok with the response. And in the meantime, do the next right thing towards progress, and do it every day. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your dart board begins to fill up.

Just keep livin.

       

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I’m really good at anticipating problems and then creating solutions for my imaginary problems. I think a lot of women are particularly skilled in this area, and maybe some men too, although I haven’t met many.

A plan for a plan for a plan is my motto (along with “just keep livin” which some unknown actor recently claimed as his own). 

For example, when Luke was diagnosed with a stroke in utero, I got to work. I researched all of the potential problems that could arise from hydrocephalus, all of the worst-case scenarios, and then once I had a firm grasp on what that scenario might look like, I researched the therapies, treatments, and options to mitigate the possibility of the worst case scenarios and instead ensure that he (and I) would live healthy, normal lives.

That was my one and only plan.  

I poured oodles of time into anticipating every problematic scenario imaginable and then the appropriate solution to the imaginary problem in case it occurred.  I did this for months, and then the Lord said nope. That’s not MY plan for your life or his. 

I did not avoid one single issue I had planned for; instead, I received the equivalent of the worst-case scenario which I had learned about during my months of pre-planning.  The worst case scenario in the eyes of the world, but the best case scenario, in the eyes of my Savior who above all else wanted to use the experience of being Lucas’s mom to make me more Christlike and bring glory to his name.  

I acted the same way after my late husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and then again when I became a mom to 7 children and again as Ryan and I confronted a lifelong addiction, and again, most recently, as we’ve walked through a difficult period with one of our children. 

Each time I become a little less obsessive and throw up my hands in surrender a little bit earlier than the last time and declare, “You are God and I am not, blessed be the name of the Lord” as the Lord convicts, yet again, of making my imaginary problems a form of idolatry.  Yes, anticipating problems can very easily turn into an idol.  As I worship at the altar of “Jessica’s grasp for control” rather than submitting and surrendering to his ultimate will, it is exactly that – an idol.  When my faith in Google replaces my faith in God, that’s a problem.  

A BIG problem. 

I’ve been convicted time and time again about certain idols in my life, and this issue of control seems to top them. These are hard and holy lessons I’m constantly learning as I become more like Christ, which is the goal, right? As believers, we long for others to see our Savior’s love through us and around us, and in order for this to occur, we must become less and he must become more because only then, will the light of true surrender lead to peace. Only then are we able to release our imaginary problems to the one who is truly able to control any situation.  

Just keep livin. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

 

       

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