Author: Jessica Ronne

It was a beautiful summer day in 1999, and I was 22 years old. I was months away from graduating from college and becoming, what I thought would be, a teacher. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend, a kind hearted local football coach. I broke up with him because a few days prior, I had unexpectedly met a guy at the local gym. I was drawn to this guy in a way I had never experienced before and knew with almost absolute certainty that I was meant to marry him. His name was Jason, and we had been dating for about a week when I was invited to a birthday party where the ex boyfriend would also be present. The ex boyfriend had everything going for him. He was 10 years my senior, established in his career, adored me, and had suggested that we eventually get married.

The new guy, Jason, had a zest for life and a personality that matched his enthusiasm. He was still in college, working part time, and hardly had a dime to his name. Our first few dates were spent around his family dinner table, dining on his mom’s homemade lasagna. I brought Jason to this birthday party on this beautiful summer day in 1999, and as he engaged in small talk with the other attendees, I experienced a moment. A moment of reflection as I leaned back in my chair and observed what was before me. I glanced across the room at my heartbroken ex boyfriend who met my gaze and offered a weak smile in return. This event had to be hard for him as he was now face to face with the reality that I had moved on only days after our break up.

Jason, in his electric energy, was making new friends while I reflected in a quiet corner. I looked again at my ex and weighed the evidence, weighed our history together, and weighed our potential future. I knew he would take me back in a heartbeat if that became my choice. He was established in his career. He was established in life. He loved me. He was a God fearing man. He was the obvious choice.

And then I looked at Jason, a guy I hardly knew, also a God fearing, much younger man. I looked at him bouncing from one person to the next, not a dime to his name, a man for all logical intents and purposes should not have been the obvious choice.

I was at a crossroads on that beautiful summer day in 1999 at 22 years old. On the left, a smoothly paved road awaited, lined with manicured lawns, and on the right, a dusty path littered with wildflowers.

An hour later, I walked away from that party and veered to the right, hand in hand with Jason who I would marry less than a year later.

The choice to walk the dusty path led to years of joy, pain, and struggle. It led to 4 beautiful children, a cancer diagnosis, 7 brain surgeries, fighting for our son’s life, and final goodbyes to a husband and father at 33 years old – only 11 years after that beautiful summer day when we were 22 years old. That dusty path led me to Ryan, my second husband, and the love of my life today and 4 more children. It led to the fulfillment of my childhood dream of becoming an author and a college professor. It led to a nonprofit and advocacy work and an award winning documentary and a podcast. It led to media appearances around the world! It led to me being gently planted in that dusty, dry soil on that day of quiet reflection, and it led to blooming in obedience to all that God would prepare for me in the next 26 years.

The ex boyfriend, the football coach, went on to become a successful coach in the NFL – apparently for a pretty good team (I honestly know NOTHING about football ). He went on to become a pretty big deal in his own story and has enjoyed his fair share of the limelight.

I’m not sure my light would have been needed with his light shining so brightly on both of us. I’m not sure that any of what I have created in obedience would have been required with what seems to be, in hindsight, a much easier road to have traversed. That nicely paved street appears to have offered less struggle than the dusty path I chose but…. less faith, less growth, and less triumph too.

The road I chose, the one littered with thorns, the hard, dusty road where only the wild flowers bloom, led to carrying a heavy cross as I was crucified with Christ time and time again; surrendering everything on the altar of obedience. I buried it all: my desires, my will, and my expectations for a normal, easy, pain free life as I awaited my reemergence into the light of day. As I waited for my reemergence into a glorious resurrection. As we all wait, patiently for our struggles to end, for our mourning to be turned to joy, and for our triumph to reign gloriously through our faithful endurance.

Stay obedient my friends. Remain steadfast to the course no matter how many setbacks you may encounter on the perilous journey. Run your race, even if it requires a dusty road where only the wild flowers bloom, run it faithfully for he has overcome.

HE HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD SO THAT WE MAY HAVE LIFE ABUNDANT!

Hallelujah and Amen!

Happy Easter.

Romans 6:5

Written by Jess Ronne / Jessplusthemess

Under the cloak
of the night
I arise
before the house stirs
and beside
my husband’s
deep
contented
sighs.

Nine months to the day
when we gave
our son away.
We said our goodbyes
and clung
to each other
to pray.

We prayed through the night
and the next days too
we prayed for his safety
for there was
no more
we could do.

And today,
this brisk morning
I lace up pearly whites
or not so white anymore
more gray,
like my rights.
I’m no longer in charge
of all my son’s days
I’m no longer involved
in all of his ways
which gives me some freedom
to step out of the door
a guilt held quite deeply
right down to
my core.

I walk for penance
I walk for peace
I pray that the guilt
will one day
lighten
and cease.

I scatter bright leaves
as I turn
and then wind
a beautiful covering
which oft brings
to mind
A coat of many colors
laced with
Betrayal
And pain
From those closest to Joseph
who gave him away.

A single
brown leaf
Embraces
its plight
The weariness
overcomes
As it succumbs
to the night.
Much like my body
after a lifetime of fight
it now
Reregulates
as I learn
to take
flight.

I hear a cock crow
thrice –
“You shall
deny me”
My Lord said
to his child
and thus
it came
to be.

Is that what I did?
Did I deny
my own son?
In creating a home
Is that what I’ve done?
I ponder the guilt
and the freedom I feel
now that caregiving duties
are infrequent
and nihl.

I walk past the bridge
and see the bright light
Standing tall in the street
It’s a welcoming sight.
I step into the glow
where I fight back
the tears
wrestling with the Lord
as I reveal
each
of my
Fears.

The manic dogs bark
For my heart is laid bare
They will scare
They will scowl
at any great dare
But –
His faithful promise
Is my armor
and I’m safe
beneath
his wings
So say
the Scriptures
about
scary things.

The Father above
also knows my pain well
For he sent
his son away
that I might avoid
Hell.
I stop
and I stare
The stars twinkle
Above
the Big Dipper
Reminds me
That I did it
in love.

Love for my boy
and for his siblings too
and love for myself
for that’s what
we do.
When we follow Christ
We obey his commands
Even if they’re hard
and require
purchased lands.

It’s now time to return
to the home
of my life.
My hope is restored
I’ve made peace
with my strife.
Jesus holds my pain
As we walk hand and hand
He’ll carry me through
across this
new
tumultuous
land.

Christ is my refuge
My place of safety
In his wings
I find healing
He alone protects me.
He protects me and my Luke
From disasters and snares
He is the one
to shoulder
each of my cares.
I look forward with joy
When one day
We embrace
And I hear him declare
Well done, my child
You’ve run your race.

Written by Jess Ronne