Month: August 2016

Thankfulness in ALL Circumstances

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

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Life –

Has really beat me up lately.

Has disappointed me.

Has been exhausting.

I have everything I ever wanted – a beautiful family, a country home, a book that my own two hands wrote on the verge of publication, a dream job teaching at a community college – the only thing left on the ole’ bucket list is renovating a villa in Tuscany.

But I ache for some reason.  Ache for peace.  What in the world is this about?  I sound like a spoiled brat don’t I? I’m anxious, short with my family, on edge over everything I should be doing but just can’t seem to find the time to do ( I’m pretty sure my youngest plays a role in this problem #hugemessmakeralldaylong…) Why? I ask as I trudge along my familiar walking path.  Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I be more present rather than constantly obsessing about what is not happening? I pause to listen as the carefree birds chirp all around.  I pick up the pace, stepping into thick cobwebs woven through overgrown trees that stick to my body like silly string.

One foot in front of the other – up and down the rocky, red terrain, therapy and penance serving the same purpose as I question these feelings.   

Ryan and I are not our best selves nor at our best togetherness right now.  I often expect him to make me happy which he can never do, and I know this, but knowledge doesn’t eliminate expectation.   I can’t even put my finger on what exactly is going on with us, but there is this need to just get through another day.  Exhaustion over the past few years has definitely crept into our life.  Our hard, simple life has caused conversations between us, the words softly asked, “Is it worth it?”  Causing us to question a life we were so excited to start only three years ago but now feels difficult in the midst of sleep deprivation and so many responsibilities. He and I still talk, often, but instead of whispering sweet nothings it’s more common to hear bickering and short choppy answers to questions riddled in reality such as,  “honey, can you pick up some more chicken food tomorrow because we ran out three days ago…”    

I adore my baby, but she is one.  Is there a one-year-old on the planet who is easy?  Man alive, I dare say she is more difficult right now than the other seven kids combined, and speaking of those other kids,  they attend school, and I take care of their basic needs: cooking, cleaning, laundry, tucking into bed at night, but there aren’t many opportunities for real connections lately. 

The same could be said for my spiritual life.  My prayers are short whispers, “Lord give me grace, Lord give me strength, Lord hold my hand as I walk this weary path.” I’m holding on for dear life in this season and it doesn’t feel right – it doesn’t feel authentic – it doesn’t encompass peace, and it certainly doesn’t feel like “just keep livin!” – it feels fraudulent to even end my posts with this exclamation lately.    

And I think – how do I replace the weariness with gladness? With joy once again? With peace?  How do I get to a place of energy and engagement? Am I supposed to change my thinking through the weariness?  Change my heart?  Change my perspective?  How Lord?  I ask, as I pluck the beautiful wildflowers out of their natural habitat and place them in the stroller.   

Be Thankful.

Thankfulness.  Gratefulness.  Could it possibly be that simple? I whisper to the Heavens.  

Thankfulness brings peace – at least what the Word says. Do I choose to believe this?

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:15-17

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Romans 1:21

Thank you Lord. 

Just keep livin!

Sunlight Burning at Midnight – a Celebration of a Special Needs Child.

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

It’s Lukie’s 12th birthday – be still my soul.  My miracle boy is a pre-teen – a pre-teen!  From being told he’d never see the light of day to almost a teenager.  Where have the years gone? There are so many emotions that flood my heart as I think on this day, this 12th year of his life, and the significance that it brings in terms of my own life and God’s faithfulness throughout many difficult times.  

 I think back to the prenatal appointment in 2004; the appointment where I was told my unborn child would never live.  I think about the moment he was aggressively lifted out of my body and  how I immediately heard his scream, and how I then wept tears of joy and tears of fear over the unknown that still awaited our lives.   I think about the anxious thoughts running through my mind 50 billion miles a minute on that day, August 12, 2004 –

 “Is he okay?!”, “Will he survive?!”  “He’s so beautiful, I want to hold him forever lest he take his last breath…”

 And choking back tears through a fake brave smile as he was immediately whisked away to neo – natal care, Jason and I nervously looking on, unable to do anything for our newborn son in those moments.  I think about the struggles we had while raising him, the fears, the sleepless nights, the angst of his lukisms, and the accomplishments that arrived much slower for him than for other children but monumental they were when they finally did make their arrival. I think about the future for Luke – the next 12 years – and some of those same fears begin to enter my heart.  Will he be ok?  Who will take care of him?  What does continued growth (and puberty!) look like for him?  God, can we handle this?  Can Ryan and I do this with him? Really God, do you still have him and me and my family in the palm of your hand or have you moved on to some other family who needs your care more than we do these days? 

And I’m reminded, as I have been numerous (NUMEROUS) times in days of old –

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26

And so I lift my head.  I look to the birds and the bees and the beautiful butterflies fluttering around my yard – not a care in the world.  So much more faith than mine it seems.  I remember – days of past, hard times, times I thought I would crumble against the weight of the world, crumble against the strain of what I was called to walk through, but I didn’t.  He was faithful.  He will continue to be faithful in whatever comes my way this side of Heaven.  

Today, Luke’s day, I choose to focus on the miracle of him and the impact his life has had on mine and on thousands of others, the impact his story, our story, will have on those who need hope, those walking through dark nights, those who need something miraculous like sunlight burning at midnight.   I choose to focus on the honor that was bestowed upon my humble life which allowed me the privilege of walking through hardships in order to one day breathe hope, through my words, through my story,  into another’s dark night.  I choose to push my instinctual fears aside and focus on life, his life, the beauty of Lucas and all that he has been and ever will be.   

And so to honor Luke’s birthday, it seems only appropriate to release the trailer for my book, my baby, twelve years in the making –  Sunlight Burning at Midnight, and along with the trailer release, I am offering a pre-order special because, of course, IT’S LUKE’S BIRTHDAY!

The official launch date for the book will be in November, but for every pre-order I receive before this date, I am offering a personalized, autographed copy.  As you can see, (hopefully) there is a nice, little box beside this blog post with fail proof instructions.  Each book order ($13.99 +S/H) will be placed through pay pal and mailed as soon as hard copies are available (which will be before the official launch – the latest I’ve heard is the first week of October).  So, not only do you get a personalized, autographed copy (believe me, the personalization factor will be a rarity in the future with my life), but you will also be one of the first human beings with a book in hand. 

As always, thank you to all – my publisher, my friends, my family, my husband, my kids, THANK YOU, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for bearing with me, for lifting my head, and my heart, and my weary body years ago, for believing in this story and the message it conveys, and for supporting me through it all.  To God be the Glory!

Just keep livin!!

A Child’s Perspective on Blended Family Life

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

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Recently I asked a few of my kids if they would answer some questions about blended families.  They agreed.  The four questioned were Caleb and Tate (13) Mya (11) and Mabel (9).  My takeaways from the sessions were – Wow!  They seem okay!  As of now I don’t see extensive therapy in their foreseeable futures! Thank you Jesus! Given, they are youngerish, but at this point in their tender, little, lives, I think they are truly doing well. 

I would strongly encourage other families (blended or not) to question your kids and make it fun and non-threatening.  The answers might lighten your heart and encourage your soul.

What is a blended family?

Mabel – A big family

Caleb – two families that come together to form one whole family.

Tate-A mix of two families to form one big one.

Mya – Two families that come together.

How do you feel about being in a blended family?

Mabel – Good

Caleb – It’s sometimes it gets annoying but sometimes it can be really good. When you’re playing a big group activity it’s useful.  But when you want to be alone it’s better to have a small family.

Tate-It can be fun but at times some people can be quite annoying.

Mya – It just feels normal.

How do you feel about having brothers and sisters that aren’t biologically your siblings?

Mabel – Good

Caleb – it’s kind of annoying.  They don’t exactly think like I do always.

Tate – I don’t know.

Mya – It feels the same as having a normal family.

What is the hardest part about having a blended family?

Mabel – Being nice to my brothers

Caleb –Everyone always takes sides with things.  Half the kids want one thing and the other half wants something different.

Tate-One side of the family takes sides up against the other side so there can be quite a few small fights. Also being nice

Mya – You have more people so you don’t get along as well.

What is the best part about having a blended family?

Mabel – Having a huge family

Tate-We can do big games like baseball football or soccer with only our family.

Caleb – You get to do a bunch of stuff that other people couldn’t do.  Like we can have a big complex game or big group activities that normally require a lot of people. 

Mya – You can make more money because when there aren’t as many people there aren’t as many messes (I’ve recently hired her to help with cleaning).

How did you feel when your mom and dad told you that there was going to be a new baby in the family?

Mabel – Amazing

Caleb – Really excited.

Tate-VERY excited

Mya – Excited.

How do you feel about the baby now? 

Mabel – Good

Tate-LOVE her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Caleb – awesome

Mya – Glad she’s here.

Is there anything you wish you could change about your life right now?

Mabel – Me having a new teacher ( I think she misunderstood the question – she loves her new teacher)

Tate – Doing more things

Caleb – More freedom

Mya – No.

How did you feel when your new parent adopted you?

Caleb – It was pretty cool I mean I was something that I never thought would happen.

Mabel – I was little so I guess good.

Mya – It doesn’t exactly feel like anything.

Tate – Fine.

Do you ever think about the future with such a big family?  What does that look like to you?

Mabel – My children can meet my sisters and brothers children.

Mya – I envision that we’ll all have our own families away somewhere.  I’m not sure about Luke though. 

Caleb – There’s going to be tons of aunts and uncles and cousins.  That’s a good thing.

Tate – No clue.

What’s been the most difficult aspect of having a new parent? 

Mabel – It’s kind of like, oh my dad died so now what and now you have a new dad.  I was little so I don’t really remember. 

Caleb – There aren’t any difficulties.

Mya – nothing really.

Tate – forgot to answer this question (and the next 3…)

Has your relationship with your new brothers and sisters grown deeper with time? 

Mabel – All of them are real so I fight with all of them.

Mya – I feel like a normal family now.

Caleb – Besides knowing each other’s crushes and stuff …. NO.

Has your relationship with the new parent grown deeper with time? 

Mabel – Good.  My dad in Heaven spent more time with me because he didn’t have a garden.  He (Ryan) just spends time in the garden.  

Caleb – Yes, over time. We just bonded together more through fun stuff.

Mya – Yes, I think so. It’s just mom and dad.

Just keep livin!!