When My Dad Died. Understanding Childhood Grief


I’m posting a series called Messy Stories.  These are stories from others detailing pain and heartache; they are stories of cancer, death, divorce, betrayal, and disease; they are ultimately stories that bind each of us to one another in this messy thing known as life.  If you have a messy story,  anonymous or not, I would love to hear about it and post it for others in order that we all might gain insight and understanding from our different journeys.   Send me a message at jessplusthemess@gmail.com

This story is from my eleven year old son, Caleb. 

I didn’t think my dad would die. 

Instead I thought that God would heal him completely and that he would be perfectly fine within the next week or so, but I was wrong. 

After my dad died, I was very, very sad because after all the fun things we’d done together he just went away.  I was horrified when I saw him there, lying motionless in the bed, no breathing, no heartbeat and it felt strange seeing my mom cry after his death. 

I believed he went to Heaven that day.  My mom had told me that he had been a very Godly man so I believed he went to Heaven after his death.  I thought it would have been really strange if my mom had found a new man to marry especially if we ended up having new kids in our family. 

I often thought it was all God’s fault because he could have healed him instantly, and occasionally I still get mad at God about his death.  I really got distracted at the last part of the funeral because I had so many of my relatives there, and they would all comfort me.  The last part of the funeral was basically a party with all sorts of fun stuff.  Even a few of my classmates showed up.  At my school my classmates had all made a bunch of cards for me and a different class made me one of those bound notebooks that said, “What I think Heaven is like.”  Inside there were a bunch of drawings of what other kids thought heaven was like and at the bottom of the drawing there was a little note from each of them saying they were sorry my dad died and all that stuff. 

I will always remember my dad and how kind he was to me. 

Just keep livin…




Spread the love

5 thoughts on “When My Dad Died. Understanding Childhood Grief

  1. Oh Caleb,your tender words break my heart,and tears cloud my eyes, I too hoped God would heal your Dad, I knew Jason had the heart of a lion and strength of character as well as strength of faith He was physically strong and a warrior. God has all the answers and sees a much bigger picture than we will ever see unroll we get to heaven . God told me Jason had the work he had for him on earth ,and that he had last New daddy for you(Ryan), who would finish the work and take the baton for the next part of this race.(our life on earth) Your Daddy in heaven loves you, your earthly daddy loves you too. You are blessed loved and carried for. And I am sending you big hugs and kisses.:)

  2. So sad to hear what Caleb had to go through, no child should have to deal with such a hard thing, but I’m so glad we got to have him in our family now, he is such a blessing to us & we love him. I pray God will reveal things to him in the years ahead so he can get a complete healing & know without a doubt that God still loves him & he also loved his dad.

  3. This is really sweet. I’m curious, and I hope this doesn’t come across wrong but I don’t know any other way to ask it – how come you talk a lot about your late husband, but rarely mention Kaci?

  4. I never knew Kaci so I’m not exactly sure what I would have to say. It seems like it would be a more appropriate subject for some of her friends or family to write about if they wanted to. My late husband is my story so it would make sense that he would be mentioned on my blog occasionally.

Leave a Reply