Tag: caregiver

The Lost Girls

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A different she
Than the one who is me

A tired she
A she that’s not free
An overwhelmed she
With what used to be

A she with deep bags
Beneath vacant eyes
Who hides in the bathroom
And breaks down and cries

A worn-out she
From the caregiving life
A she with more grays
From pain and from strife

A she void of makeup
And covered in grime
A ratty T-shirt
That she wears all the time

Dirty hair piled high
Upon a tired head
Moments like these
Make her wanna crawl in bed.

She lets out a sigh
And gathers her wits
Back to the grind
Which feels like the pits

She loves him dearly
The child she bore
She’s just plumb worn out
And achy and sore

Continuous care
For her disabled son
With no expiration
For when she’ll be done

Strenuous duties
Have taken a toll
And created a space
That feels like a hole

A hole where she
Used to reside
And now has gone missing
Where lost girls abide

In missing herself
She yearns for better days
And hopes change will occur
To transform caregiver ways

With determined resolve
She wipes tears away
And gathers her strength
To lift her voice & say

We caregivers need help!
And resources too!
Stop saying no!
To all that we do!

We must notice the shes
In each isolated space
Hiding the lost girls
But I see your face

I see you dear one
Because I am you
I see all you caregivers
And all that you do.

Stay strong and stay grounded
Take a moment for yourself
For what you accomplish
Surpasses all wealth

We are holy work doers
Across all the land
The Lord sees what we do
United we stand

We will speak our truth
At times with a rhyme
We will change our world
One she at a time.

Copyright @jessronne

The Side Effects of Being a Caregiver – Insomnia.

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

Here’s the second post in a series about the numerous side effects of being a caregiver. I gave a short list of many of the side effects I’ve experienced in my journey in last week’s post where I highlighted a recent struggle with hair loss, and the ways I’ve combated this ridiculousness.

The next most common side effect I’ve experienced related to being a caregiver has been insomnia. Part of this is absolutely related to caring for 8 children, and part of it, I’m sure, has to do with this lovely stage of life I’m currently in called peri-menopause.

Now given, I am the most OCD sleeper on the planet, and I hate this facet of my personality. I am way too in my head and really struggle to sleep outside of my normal environment or routine.  I am extremely envious of people who can sleep anywhere and everywhere but this is not my reality.

A few things that I must do before going to bed.

First, good nights and hugs for the kids, read Annabelle a story, and give Luke his meds. Draw the room darkening shades and curtains. I require pitch black  in order to sleep. Then I do 15-20 minutes of restorative yoga, take a warm bath with Epsom salts (I like these)

and take one willow bark – a natural Advil alternative

 

 

 

and one  L-theanine which is good for relaxation and gut health.

 

 

After my bath, I take two of these magnesium supplements which I have found to be hands down the most helpful in my journey towards natural sleep preparation. In fact, I ran out of this particular brand for about two weeks, and I used another brand which I had on hand, and I kid you not, I did not sleep very well.  This brand is AMAZING.

 

I really, really try to avoid Advil or Benedryl because I know they’re not great for me or my liver.

And, at 9:30, it’s time for  yogi tea mixed with Reishi mushroom – both which have a calming effect on my racing mind and take approximately 30 minutes to kick in and then it’s lights out at 10:00 p.m.!

I’d say the tea and mushroom put me to sleep quickly and the triple calm magnesium keeps me asleep (for the most part) and last but not least, I rub tiger balm on my hips which have been aching since giving birth to my baby 5 years ago!  Get some here. 

 

 

That’s it. My extremely OCD sleep routine which is admittedly ridiculous, but I can’t function without sleep – especially as a caregiver to 8 children. Yes, I’ve tried Valerian and Melatonin. Both give me weird dreams. Maybe this routine will help someone else in need of a solid night of sleep.

Just keep livin!

 

 

(This post does contain affiliate links which I may receive compensation for).

A Holy Shift

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

I descended the stairs, immediately irritated by what was awaiting me with each scream originating from my 15-year-old son. Great, I muttered as the uninvited stench rose to greet my nose. Luke, my son with profound special needs, required yet another diaper change – a chore that was becoming increasingly able to grate my very last nerve over the past few weeks as his father recovered from shoulder surgery – a recovery period that did not allow for diaper changes.

I opened the door slightly and held my breath. The third of the day so far. My least favorite job in the whole world.

I did what was necessary – cleaned my big 15-year-old man child, and as I prepared to leave, he reached for my face, met my eyes and sang in his sweet jumbled way,

Oh God you are my God, and I will ever praise you.

Continue reading “A Holy Shift”

A Resurrection Only Occurs After A Death.

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

When Ryan and I met in 2010 we were in a season of death with the passing of our spouses, & this death included a burial of lifelong dreams and expectations.

The next few years we enjoyed a resurrection as our lives merged and birthed new realities: our marriage & family, a simple life in rural America, the birth of a book, a teaching career, a non profit & another child. Lots of growth & beauty.

We now find ourselves back in a season of decay; broken bodies over the past year: Ryan’s, mine, and Luke’s; broken ideals and dreams as we restructure & determine how we’ll proceed, lots of unanswered questions and concerns & the burial of systems that no longer serve us emotionally or spiritually, and we wait because we know. We know because we’ve been here before – this is familiar soil, deep & dark & rich soil where we’ve been planted and now we await our reemergence into the light.

We wait for our resurrection.

And we are confident that it will arrive in due time because that’s how life works.

Everything remains in motion; a continuous movement of death and resurrection, waves upon waves washing away the brokenness and moving what remains to the shore – natural disasters and coronavirus and despair not excluded – it’s all involved, collectively and individually; ashes to beauty and back to ashes again, circular movements until the maestro sweeps his baton for the last time & bows his head in holy reverence, that moment when his beloved creation leans into the finality & releases a labored breath – bursting through the birth canal into an everlasting resurrection.

And until then?

We just keep livin.