It was around 11 the other night, Ryan and I were in bed watching the New York/Indiana basketball game. I was tired and ready to go to sleep and so I said, not in a super kind voice, “Do you think we could turn the tv off and go to sleep?” I cannot sleep with any hint of light or noise, and in fact, I’m about the pickiest sleeper alive, going so far as to bring my pillow, fan, and sleeping pills whenever I go on vacation anywhere. My husband didn’t acknowledge my request, so deeply engrossed in the program, and so I repeated the suggestion, removing any hint of kindness and adding a nice dose of annoyance, “Honey, I’m tired can we turn off the tv?” He muttered, uh huh, or maybe it was huh, but whatever his response was, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I did what most exacerbated, exhausted wives would do, I reached over, took the remote off the nightstand and quickly pushed the big orange off button.
Ryan, a bit perplexed as to what had just happened, turned to face me and said, “Why did you do that?” I replied, “I said, I’m tired.” He then turned, faced me square on, and did something I have never experienced from him before. I have been admonishing him for the past two years to share his feelings with me. I’ve been encouraging him to stand up for what he wants in our marriage and to voice it, and I’ve been asking him to not let me or anyone else walk all over him because he can have a bit of a pleaser personality. I did not want and would not have a marriage where my husband remained silent all the time to keep the peace while inwardly resenting me – that’s not trust, communication, or much of a marriage to me.
He bluntly declared, “When you do something like that you are treating me like a child and I am not your child, I am a grown man who is capable of making my own decisions.” And then he stared me down, like a full grown bull, ready for any sass I thought I was going to throw his way. But he had literally stunned me silent, and I had no defense and nothing to say. I did the only thing that came to my mind in that moment, and I said, “I’m sorry.”
Honestly, that situation could have been ugly. I don’t take being called out on anything real well; especially when I’m tired, but in that moment, I have never felt more respect or admiration for the man lying beside me in bed. He advanced in my esteem from a pretty cute, fun husband to someone along the lines of a rugged, fearless cowboy of the Wild West and that’s a good image for any wife to have when it comes to her man.
Just keep livin!!